honestly the harry potter fandom is so wild like we’ve all collectively refused to accept cursed child as canon but some college kids tell us hufflepuffs are particularly good finders and we don’t even question it
I didn’t truly get the whole “death of the author” paradigm until I watched the harry potter fandom collectively divorce JKR
#also it’s not just cursed child#it’s also all the slytherin kids branded evil#it’s about ending a series with babies ever after#writing an epilogue designed for baby boomers in a series aimed at millennials#it’s harry naming his kid after two abusers#it’s about claiming dumbledore is gay for Diversity Points#but in a movie series featuring his life#and featuring the one he loved#there won’t be a trace of it#it’s about casting an abuser then making excuses for it#when hp is the story of an abuse survivor#it’s about everything to do with the american magical community#from cultural appropriation to the sheer pain of the term ‘no maj’#sorry rowling#you started us off#but now#our city now
Tag: hp
His Mother’s Eyes
When it comes to the Harry Potter movies, certain complaints might seem trivial when compared to issues like worldbuilding fail or character assassination, but there’s a lot of reasons for fans to froth and vent over superficial change.
- Harry Potter, the books repeatedly assure us, has eyes the color of a fresh-pickled toad. This is mentioned with a frequency comparable to the human birth rate.
- Harry has his mother’s eyes. This is also mentioned approximately nine trillion times and is important to the plot.
- In Deathly Hallows Part 2, there is literally a shot that fades from Lily’s eyes to Harry’s. Not only are neither of them green, but they are also not even the same color as each other.
- “You have your mother’s eyes, Harry. Except for the color. And the shape.“ – Ancient Proverb
- As defenders will reference repeatedly, Daniel Radcliffe had an allergic reaction to his contact lenses. That’s so sad. It’s a shame CGI had not been invented yet.
- Seriously, not even for the close-ups?
- Was he also allergic to black hair-dye?
- Book!Harry’s hair was as neat as a ruffled chicken. Messy hair is unusual; it’s rude; it’s an embarrassment at Aunt Petunia’s garden parties; it looks a bit out of the ordinary. Yet movie!Harry has either applied liberal amounts of Sleekeazy hair potion, or is blessed by photoshoot-ready genes.
- With tragic hilarity, it can be noted that Daniel Radcliffe has since appeared in other roles with much more Harry-like hair.
- James Potter’s hair in the woefully inadequate Pensive scene was parted and combed flat. James Potter does not part and comb his hair. James Potter ruffles it, because he loves people knowing he plays quidditch, loves attention, thinks he looks cool, is a bit rakish (or wants to be), and eschews the rule-following respectability inherent in being well-groomed. It is vital character-building for someone with such a lack of screen time.
- Worse, Hermione’s hair – bushy and the symbol of a girl who didn’t fall easily into the standards of beauty or uphold those standards as important – was styled and silky.
- Never mind the importance of big hair as connected to the possibility of the character being of mixed ethnicity or a WoC.
- Never mind that girls across the world – girls with frizzy locks and unusual looks and a love of books – sat down to read about this big-haired genius and identified with her, loved her, and saw themselves in her because bushy hair was now Hermione hair.
- Why, oh why, was her Yule Ball gown pink, not periwinkle blue?
- Ginny, on the other hand, did like pink. It would have been nice to see that preference on-screen.
- (Or any hint of personality. At all.)
- Wizards wear robes. Wizards wear robes so often that when trying to wear Muggle clothes, they don nightdresses and ponchos. Wizards do not wear school uniforms. Wizards have a long-standing ignorance of all things Muggle. The movies lost out on the chance to create an entire history and culture of fashion.
- Historically and in modern times, both genders in cultures around the world have worn robes. There is nothing weird about it.
- Professor Lupin’s mustache is an affront to humanity.
- If facial hair is not specifically described in the text there is no need to just include hairy lip abominations willy-nilly.
- The greatest mystery of the hair and wardrobe department is how they managed to make a vibrant personality like Natalia Tena – playing a character like Tonks – look boring.
- And then there’s Sirius Black.
- *disclaimer* Yes. Gary Oldman is a very good actor.
- Sirius was cheerful and good-looking before twelve years of imprisonment and torture, and he was skeletal and depressed after. His aristocratic handsomeness was a product of his backstory and a factor in his characterization. The contrast of his post-Azkaban self was part of his story’s tragedy.
- The man was an insolently good-looking rebel who hated his blue-blood background, rode a motorcycle, wore Muggle t-shirts, had his last chance to develop fashion sense at age 22, and in OotP wore robes. What part of that says ‘Edwardian gentleman in olive velvet pinstriped suit’?
- Bill’s scars were barely visible. Good to know werewolf attacks aren’t a big deal.
- Narcissa Malfoy’s hair was violently reminiscent of Pepe Le Pew.
- No one needs that.
- Voldemort would have been terrifying with red eyes. These were absent for fear of being ‘distracting,’ but consider this:
- No.
- PS: For a masterclass in letting voice and gesture supplant eye and facial expression, see Hugo Weaving in V for Vendetta.
- Where to even start with Professor Flitwick?
- Most of these things would have been so damn easy to fix. Fans make these changes every day, self-taught in gifsets slapped together with illegally downloaded amateur software during their spare time between classes, just for kicks.
- Maybe the filmmakers thought wild hair and bright eyes and big scars and punk clothing and men in long robes were all not quite normal enough for them.
- Maybe they didn’t think these details were important.
- Maybe they didn’t care.
- The greatest mystery of the hair and wardrobe department is how they managed to make a vibrant personality like Natalia Tena – playing a character like Tonks – look boring.
Do you ever think about how when Ron’s wand broke 2nd year, just using spell-o-tape wasn’t enough to fix it. It kept backfiring in ways that were really bad, like making himself eat slugs, or kinda just. being defective in general.
Hagrid’s wand was snapped his 3rd year. But he still uses it, disguised as an umbrella. And it works.
Like we know Ollivander didn’t fix it, since he was surprised to hear Hagrid had the pieces. Not to mention since Hagrid was expelled, it would be extremely illegal to fix it. Hogwarts works as a groundskeeper, and lives in a one room wooden hut that he made himself. He’s not going to have the money to ribe someone to fix it, and then there’s also the fact that because of his heritage, even if he could bribe someone to fix it, they probably wouldn’t. And sure, Dumbledore probably knows that Hagrid fixed his wand, there’s a certain level of deniability there. He wouldn’t have actually gotten involved with the wand mending process. Especially when Hagrid was just accused of killing a student.
So that means Hagrid would have put his wand back together himself.
The 3rd year transfiguration examination was to turn a teapot into a tortoise. Only inanimate objects into animals. Part of the reason animagi are so rare is because they’re human to animal transformations. The first time we meet Hagrid, he gives Dudley a tail, and correctly animates the boat he and Harry are on. Silently.
Harry and co. didn’t even attempt to learn silent casting until 6th year. Anything Hagrid learned after 3rd year would have been self taught.
Hagrid is one powerful wizard and holy shit combined with his resistance to magic with his giant heritage forget McGonagall holy shit Hagrid is terrifying
No wonder sixteen-year-old Voldemort was intimidated enough by thirteen-year-old Hagrid to pick him as the one to frame for murder.
If Hagrid had finished year seven he would’ve just fucking kicked Voldy’s sorry ass all on his own.


“Hufflepuffs value hard work, patience, loyalty, and fair play.”
–
Howling Art
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most fans: please creators tell us more canon information please
harry potter fans: we will pay you to Stop.
snape could’ve been an awesome teacher if he wasn’t a disgusting waste of a human being. he knew from age 16 that the instuctions that the textbooks were giving weren’t as good as they could be. he improved the potions and recorded his methods at age 16. if he weren’t such a shitbag, he could’ve either written the damn textbooks himself, or taught his students his alternate methods. he could’ve revolutionized how potions were being brewed, teaching whole generations a superior method of potion brewing. instead, he spent his time bullying children.
He could have become rich and famous and been one of the most well regarded wizards of his age with his knowledge of spells and potions
But instead he decided “The girl i hurled racial slurs at put me in the Friend Zone so I’m gonna go become a Magic Nazi and then spend the remainder of my adult years emotionally abusing twelve year olds”
He could have become everything a Slytherin should have been instead of the epitome of what everyone else thinks they are.
i have a headcanon that after the second wizarding war, muggle technology got sort of integrated into hogwarts to allow closer communication with muggle friends and family
so they have like phones and stuff to use to call home
little daisy dursley calls home on her first day of school
Daisy: “Daddy, I made it into Ravenclaw!”
Dudley: “Oh, Ravenclaw, the, um–” [covers receiver and turns to Harry] “What the hell does that mean?”
Harry: “Smart house.”
Dudley: [goes back to Daisy] “THE SMART HOUSE! Oh, I am so proud of you!”
friendly reminder that the only reference to non-straight people even existing in the whole of 7 harry potter books was that one time in ootp when dudley made fun of harry saying cedric’s name in his sleep, asking mockingly if that was his boyfriend’s name. that’s it. that one homophobic insult was all that jk rowling ever delivered in canon. whatever she says on twitter or in interviews does not erase the fact that she chose, and still deliberately chooses not to represent us in her works, even though the chance presented itself several times. she just can’t risk the love of all the homophobic white dudes who still idealize snape and lowkey agree with the wizard nazis
A Harry Potter AU where everything’s exactly the same, except the house elves look like Lord of the Rings elves and Dobby’s, like, played by Orlando Bloom. But they’re still not allowed to have clothes
orlando bloom hitting himself in the face with a lamp