everyone in fantasy novels is horny on main for elves and it’s honestly a travesty like why the hell would you want to marry an elf you’ll just spend the rest of your days growing old in the woods with a bunch of immortal bastards whose heads are so far up their asses they think singing week-long ballads is prime entertainment and say shit like “thou” and “beseech” unironically y’all should be hooking up with dwarves who 1. actually know how to throw the fuck down and let loose at a party 2. will literally shower you in diamond dust and gold they mined and crafted with their bare hands and 3. can sling you over their shoulder like a sack of potatoes with their huge muscular arms developed from hours of said mining and crafting. there’s literally no contest.
The rest of the elves in the undying lands: the fact that any elf can fall in love with a human is sad and somewhat puzzling. We mourn Luthian and Arwen who dared to choose mortal life. That such a union is possible is both wonderous and sorrowful. We solemnly welcome the ringbearers though, the only ones who are not elves welcome in the undying lands due to the great burden they carried for the salvation of the world
Legolas showing up late on a half sunk raft holding up Gimli: HEY EVERYONE I MADE IT! MEET MY DWARF GIMLI! WE TOTALLY GOT MARRIED!
The other elves: (⊙_⊙)
Galadriel: this is hilarious. I love it! I completely and utterly give my full approval!
The other elves: щ(゜ロ゜щ)
“Meet my dwarf,” like there are many dwarves he could have brought but this one is his.
Legolas: I don’t know why everyone’s so shocked I can’t possibly be the first elf to do this.
Other Elves: YOU ARE DEFINITELY THE FIRST ELF TO DO THIS, YES!!!
Legolas: …Oh.
*whispered conversation with Gimli*
Legolas: Well tough beans if you want your own dwarves you’ll have to sail back for them yourselves.
People take the LOTR movies way too seriously considering that the first movie had an actual scene with floating Elrond faces on a white background while Frodo was unconscious that actually made it into the actual movie
If I have a near death experience I hope Elrond slides into my consciousness at 60% opacity
youre not a real lotr fan unless elrond slides into your conciousness at 60% opacity even when youre not having a near death experience
hi i’m tolkien here are my ocs. i call them Elves (not elfs!!! if you call them elfs i will block you) they look like humans but they’re tall, live forever, and have pointy ears. that’s it bye
cs lewis: are you alright with constructive criticism? i dont want to sound mean
tolkien: no go ahead i want to hear it
cs lewis: they fucking suck
tolkien: thats not constructive criticism
cs lewis: here’s my OC, it’s jesus but he’s a lion tolkien: Furry cs lewis: blocked
Plume de Lynx 