i’m french and this is factually accurate
Ne forget pas les quatres food groupes mes amis!
La pomme d’eau. La pomme de terre. Le pomme de feu. La pomme d’air. Il y a très longtemps ces quatre patates vivaient en harmonie. Mais un jour, la pomme du feu décida de passer à l’attaque.
i don’t even fucking speak french but I fucking know what that last comment says
@indigopersei is the french language just always on the verge of getting someone accused of assault or..?
if only you knew
It’s a very dangerous language to learn
Here’s an interesting thing about French! Everything needs to have an article in front of it. That’s why it’s “la chat” as opposed to just “chat”. So, for instance, you could say la fille for the girl, or jeune fille for young girl, but you can’t just say fille, because that means you are calling her a sex worker in a derogatory way.
The moral of the story is, if you want to make something rude in French, just take out the article in front of it. Yes, this works for nearly. every. word.
Every year. Every year there’s that kid who forgets that you can’t translate “I am excited” to “Je suis excitée”. And every year Monsieur Jordan has to slam the brakes before that kid can finish his sentence and then tactfully ask him not to announce to the class that he is horny.
“is the french language always on the verge” oh buddy, oh pal, i am so happy to break this news to you:
truly the language of love
“Coup de fou” doesn’t exist in French? It doesn’t meant anything?? “Blowjob” translates to “sucer” (to suck) or “[tailler] une pipe” ([to carve] a pipe). If you ask someone for “un coup de fou” they’ll think you want to fuck wildly (”un coup” can mean “a quickie” or just the act in itself) hahaha
“Coup de foutre” also doesn’t exist. “Foutre” sure means “cum” (also it’s a bit outdated now??) but if you want to say “cumshot” you may just wanna use “gicler” or “faciale”.
Also I have troubles to get the “la fille”/”le chat” stuff… It’s not like you don’t use determinants in English? It’s the exact same in French, except you can’t use it like “Girl you’re beautiful” (”Fille, tu es belle”) because then you sound like a bad parody of a Viking… It just doesn’t work.
That’s why I don’t know about the rude part?? It won’t sound rude, just outdated, plain wrong or translated from Russian… I don’t even know how it would work in the language…
If you want to sound rude just add “putain de [noun]” or “[noun] de merde” to any word and you’d be much more likely to get it than just forego random determinants hhhh (you can even combine them into “PUTAIN DE MERDE!” hehehehe) (in fact don’t ever take out the article it is bad bad advice)
And I repeat, “Je suis excité-e” doesn’t mean “I’m horny” most of the time.
That said, it doesn’t exactly mean “J’ai hâte de”/”Je suis impatient de” either, because it sounds forced.
In fact I never heard a native-speaker use that adjective like that except jokingly or in scientific context (”excité-e sexuellement”), or in a pejorative way to point out someone’s annoying behaviour (”T’excite pas”).
/French rant over/
alexa ça c’est si triste joue papaoutai
Alexa, musicienne : commence la partition de Henri Dès en avance
Quelqu’un : oh non c’est trop triste, Alexa, joue Dès pas si tôt !
and also christophe, jean-christophe, paul, jean-paul, marc, jean-marc, charles, jean-charles, françois, jean-françois, yves, jean-yves
jacques, jean-jacques, louis, jean-louis
After seeing this:
I figured I would subtitle a great skit from a functionally now-defunct, but beloved French satirical show. It’s from 2003, on the brink of the Iraq War.
After 30 years on the airwaves, this show has died yesterday, for good this time. A billionnaire took over the channel a few years back and had tried to axe the show back then, but everyone went up in arms about it, including our president.
So instead, he did a death by slow suffocation : cutting budgets, firing the old writers, until the result was unwatchable.
Here’s a loosely translated bit of a report by Les Jours:
In recent weeks, the atmosphere was akin to “The Walking Dead” in the staff. Shootings canceled left and right: three weeks in May, two in June. And the teams are warned at the last moment. “We are not even given audience figures anymore but only views on Facebook,” an employee recently told us. For weeks, there were not even any official voices of the Guignols on the sets, Yves Lecoq (the 200-voice man) was injured and no longer worked. Same panade among the puppeteers who left little by little : a dozen recently. On some recordings, there were not enough puppeteers to manipulate latex figures. Solution ? “Corporate told us that we would do a shot / counter-shot, said a team member, disappointed, with the same person who operates two puppets. The employees also describe filming “in impossible security conditions, in a very small office, with electrical equipment that blocks the door”.
Rest in peace.